Febah Martin

They say the hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realise that, no matter how slowly you go,  they will never run after you. When the one you deeply love hurts you, it forever changes the way you deal with anyone that attempts to get close to you.  I loved you, you know... I really did. I loved you to a point where it completely blinded me... where all I could see, think and feel was you. I loved you with an intensity that defies description. I was inexplicably drawn to you, like a wave to the shore. Yet I never questioned it. It felt completely natural, as if it was predestined by some celestial force beyond my understanding or control. It felt like my entire existence centered around you and was somehow always meant to. I was drawn to you. Not in the way a person is drawn to somebody they admire, but with a deeper force, like a gravitational pull. Being in your presence was like starling into the sun. You overwhelmed me, you dazzled...

Each day as evening starts to set The ache builds in her chest She knows that she must go to bed And try to get some rest She hugs her tearstained pillow close When no one is around And cries for the one she loved and lost And screams without a sound  Others see her in the day And think she's doing well  But everyday as evening sets She enters her own hell Time hasn't healed her pain at all Or quietened her fears So every night, alone in bed She sheds those silent tears.

At moments of intense happiness and joy, Many promises to me you made, Gave you myself expecting you in return,  And yet for this loneliness I paid. I made some promises too,  I kept to the end, Not realising that your love can fade. How can I let you go off my mind, When my heart is totally in your shade? I waited for months for your promises to happen, But as time passed cutting me like a blade, I kept waiting and waiting, may be you forgot, My expectations of those reached a higher grade. May be you thought that it was normal to me, My emotions, you set them on trade. My expectations you kept aside for your selfishness, They’re just blind memories that stayed. You just made random statements back then, Now those promises to my broken heart raid.  Lost mind, now totally depressed and confused, I am so wasted, busted and loneliness weighed.

I can never forget... The anxiety in your voice when I called you, The love in your eyes when I met you,  The warmth in your body when I hugged you, The pain on your mind when I shed tears, The silence in your voice when I kissed you,  The joy in your heart when I smiled at you, The doubt in your conscience when I said goodbye. You know I love you  Way too much than I should What more can I say now?  It’s clear you admire me in secret, Way more than I can imagine Way more than your words can express Way more than our friendship can bear Way more than my heart’s silent weeping... Though you are too stubborn to confess, I know you will miss me forever  I know your heart will weep too I know your eyes will long for me I felt the shivering in your voice  When you said, “I don’t know if we meet again” When you slapped my cheek helplessly When you shook my hand for a moment  And your love for me forev...

"No matter what happens, we'll never be strangers." Days like this i wonder how you're doing.  Surely we could send each other a text, but it becomes archaic.  You and I. We used to talk under the stars. Laughing till our faces turn blue. I kept all your gifts. A polaroid of us. Memories. Buried in a box. Safe,like how you used to make me feel.  A year ago, You came up to me. Like a dream. The kind that always leaves. A year later, You left me broken. Like a record. I watched you grow. Like a lotus flower that grows out of the mud. Slowly blossoms and rise above the muddy surface. Now. Im left with only memories of us. Stored away in the back of my mind. So nights like this. When i need you most.  I reminisce all the good memories we had. With tired eyes, tired mind, tired soul. Just so you know. If ever,in future you need me. You don't have to call me. Or drop a text. J...

She woke up early as she was super excited about her first annual sports day in the school. Of course she will be. After all, she worked so hard for it. She finished all her homework and revisions before time throughout the last month just to be able to get those extra hours in the playground to learn all the skills of the games she wanted to participate on this particular day. She quickly knelt down on her bunk bed and uttered her routine prayers. She then pulled out an empty inland letter from the Bible that hid under the pillow. Her tiny little hands quickly drafted a letter to her most loved man on earth.  "10 February, 1989.  Daddy, I am participating in 10 games today. Bring me more candies than before because I will show you all 10 prices I will win when you come to visit me next month for my 7th birthday. I promise I will make you proud. I want to get ready now. That's all for this time. I love you.  Yours loving daughter,  April." She got...

Although inside, my heart is broke You treated my life, as just a joke Can't digest love? Losing who is your fear? You've lost a friend to ego, that's pretty clear I want to leave, you said comeback I hoped your hug and you pushed me to black I tried to self convince, it's not your fault You tried to prove me, that's by default I said goodbye instead of goodnight You went off to sleep and turned out your light You knew the pain and torment in my head A battle that left me with restless night in bed I tried to fly but with broken wings I see no hope and no special things Thinking of you brings me a chill, I know for sure, you don't care still I loved you so much, and you knew it too You got your way, and left me to miss you Your broken promises, I ignored somehow You left me long back, I'll leave you now Tonight I eat these box of pills, I can't take no more your silent skills Death told me now, my life should end No poi...

  How can I fly, with broken wings? How can I soar, my wildest dreams? How can I reach, the top of the world? How can I say, those three lovely words? How can I sing, if there is no tune? How can I be happy, if you caused the doom? How can I feel safe, if you're full of fears? How can I cry, if there are no tears? How can I say I love you, if you won't listen to me? How can I prove you, that we're meant to be? How can I be your friend, if we no more talked? How can I touch your feelings, if your heart is locked? How can I care for you, if you can't give your heart? How can I win, if there is no start? How can I trust myself, if you don't believe me? How can I show my love, if you don't want to see? I wish I could, but I'm not that strong When I try hard, it comes out so wrong How can I survive, my life without you? I wish you realize, that my heart is so true I'll ease your aching heart, I'll take the pain Please let m...

You said for me you were always there You said you will always care Till your very last breath and heartbeat You said your love you will share Through thicks and thins of my this life You said you will be there to bear No matter how far on earth I go You said you will be for me everywhere With each call you made, day by day Your love entered my heart like sunray I found myself falling into your arms You made me want to stay You flew me in the clouds, I reached for the stars It was like magic, what else could I say The way you looked into my eyes You held my hand, and took my breath away Ignoring the time, you talked till three Using me in the name of friendship as the key You knew the way to reach to my heart Which otherwise I would never to agree I trusted you enough to offer you me I thought my heart you would see The promises you have made in the past I thought with me forever you'll be I was blinded in love and your glows I couldn't see the t...

Often we confuse ourselves between Love and Attachment. Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. Attachment is also a kind of agreement or bondage that happens over a certain period of time with some understanding and learning. And you get used to it so much as it's immediately available to you or is in front of your eyes most of the time. Generally, these attachments are between registered individuals or objects like family or places. There is certainly some love, but it is more of an attachment here. Because the theory is simple. It is beyond your control. Above all, you are afraid of losing it because it is something you paid a price for in some form. Like blood, money, time, efforts, etc and that price is un-calculable. Many a times, you are way too concerned about so many other things around that you don't want to be insecured about or be blamed for. So it's not easy to give up on these attachment...

Lessons, quietly contemplated about my PAST, Life wisely placed me in situations that didn't last Problems hit me time to time in a row They forced me to raise up to the challenges and grow Still from my past I see no point in getting stuck Where I lingered on in familiarity with no luck I replayed old memories over and over again I didn't realise my capabilities, what I am and what I can The state of merely existing, am aware of my PRESENT What paths I walk in are not so easy and pleasant My true life began to unfold and pass me silently  I don't care if it continues to hit me violently My past is long gone and my future yet unknown As usual am walking alone, taking steps on my own I notice that am now a part of a grander scheme  My present is the most precious moment that will always stream I won't neglect my present, neither overindulge in my FUTURE I will go with the flow and just be a great watcher  I won't daydream about leading a gran...

Failures and rejections, like storm, are all around me, They are everywhere, their noises in my head Hitting it with stronger rocks, Hurting my heart though,  Leaving it in pools of blood each time I try harder Pushing me aside and suddenly drawing a silent border  What have I done to myself?  What have I become? What happened to all that intellectuality, That I learned through tough experiences? Was it my fears, or hatred for life? Or my overwhelming love for someone who left me behind? Was it my insecurities that are now, Making me crave for something that’s not possible on earth? Is it my mistake to trust a friend,  To be my special ones and be worth? Of course it was a disaster The unbearable dearest secret,  Has always been a disaster, The danger when only one of us feels it delicate. Going over and over afterward, What we should have done, Instead of what we actually did. But for those short times,...

         You meet a person just once and you instantly know that you will be best friends forever. Other friendships develop over an extended period of time. In some friendships you may feel a sense of equality, while in others there may be a clear sense that one is giving more to the friendship than the other. There are no rules about how a friendship has to be. However some set their own limitations considering many other priorities in their life. All friendships are unique and special in their own way. Each one is valuable. Who is your special friend then? What makes that friendship undoubtedly special and unexplained to the rest? You meet that person. And if you are able to share every aspect of your life with them with absolutely no secracy maintained, if you cannot stay uncomfortable with that person for more than few minutes, if your anger is not lasting longer than a day, if your lies are because you care and you don't want to lose them, if you don't...