I STAYED LONGER THAN I DESERVED

They say the hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realise that, no matter how slowly you go,  they will never run after you. When the one you deeply love hurts you, it forever changes the way you deal with anyone that attempts to get close to you. 

I loved you, you know... I really did. I loved you to a point where it completely blinded me... where all I could see, think and feel was you. I loved you with an intensity that defies description. I was inexplicably drawn to you, like a wave to the shore. Yet I never questioned it. It felt completely natural, as if it was predestined by some celestial force beyond my understanding or control. It felt like my entire existence centered around you and was somehow always meant to. I was drawn to you. Not in the way a person is drawn to somebody they admire, but with a deeper force, like a gravitational pull. Being in your presence was like starling into the sun. You overwhelmed me, you dazzled me... you blinded me. And I'll never forget what it felt like to lose you, to be plunged into cold, unending darkness without a flicker of hope you would ever come back. It felt like the end of the world. Like watching the sun set into a distance... knowing it would never rise again. 

He is a storm, and storms devastate

But every time he hurt you,

you held your breath

And bore the hurricane

Repeating to yourself 

One more chance, one more breath 

Just one more, and you'll fix him.

Until one day you couldn't 

hold your breath anymore, 

And you are, 

Just a stormy evening, 

One tear stained night,

Few hours of wrestling on bed,

And then you realise, 

you cannot fix anyone, 

not until you fix yourself.

I loved you. Even when you gave me every reason in the world not to. I loved you. And you can pick our relationship apart, critique the 'ands and ifs' for eternity... But you can't change the one thing that mattered. I loved you still... deal with that. For the rest of your life, deal with the fact that you destroyed a love that was bigger and deeper than anything you were able to handle. I loved you. 

I won't beg for your time and attention anymore. 

You were once into me, I didn’t ask you to.

You didn’t give up, you got me addicted to you.

The more you ignore me, the more I will get used to being ignored.

If you stop calling me, I will stop waiting for your calls.

If you stop sending me text messages, I will get rid of my habit of checking my phone all day.

The more you stay away from me, the more I will adapt to staying away from you.

One day I will learn to live without you and move on. 

So here's the deal... 

Even after everything, I'm in love with you. 

I still love you every second of every day 

and miss you beyond my words can say. 

I miss making you smile and saying I love you.

I miss feeling you close to me and looking at you. 

I miss being able to just love you.

Though you never said any of the above any day,

And skipped off saying not every person is expressive

Am not a coward like you to hide... 

My feelings from the only one I truly loved.

But the thing is,  no matter how much I love you, 

I have to love myself more... 

Just the way you love yourself more. 

I have to get over you 

Just the way you chose yourself over me

And let you go no matter how hard it is. 

I want to fall in love again, and I will. 

This time it won't be with any person or thing.

It will be with my own life.

I will love it unconditionally and without any fears.

I will love it even though it's without you in it. 

I will create my own path to happiness,

and I won't waste one second to regret.

Simply, I will love it exactly the way I LOVED YOU.